Amazingly, I made it to therapy just about 3 minutes late. Traffic in Seattle was so damn brutal. I was excited to speak to the man again, especially concerning my issues of negativity and why I'm so hard on myself at times.
We spoke on my feelings of inadequacy, and why I would even feel this way. I told him (and I have had some time to think on this) that possibly I was feeling that I couldn't be the person others felt I was, or that I wouldn't be able to provide for my family the life they need. I also mentioned the fact that since my family is poor, maybe I feel as if I should be poor too, or that I don't deserve to make it out. It is a certain feeling of guilt that surrounds this idea, and that is a prison I've built.
He was intrigued by that, as if he'd never heard it before. A prison of the mind? Yeah, even before a friend mentioned this problem to me, I had thought people other than myself were exhibiting the symptoms. Lo and behold, the man righ' chere was suffering the same delusion. I am embarrassed to say it, but it's true.
The feelings of failure...he shrugged that off. He said that I should repeat "I am a success." several times daily in order to put myself in the right mind frame. That was good for me to hear, because once again, this is stuff I already know.
I guess I'm coming to the crossroads soon. The next steps will propel me forward as I have learned from my mistakes. My therapist said that those people who gain wisdom from their follies are able to use their knowledge to better themselves and gain insight for new beginnings.
I know I am a success. I have been a success since I came out of the womb. Just the fact that I'm breathing says I'm a success. I must make that my mantra for the month.
Next step, I'm gearing up to go to church. That excites me too.
No comments:
Post a Comment