The Coffin's Full

Followed the road
Winding down dusty days
A trail of your memories met me there
Settling on my head
You called my name within
And I felt ashamed to answer
There’s too much I shouldn’t have said

You buried me away
A coffin full of regretful notes
Crumbled ideas and saddened words
That will never be unearthed
A revelation of unforgiving
Murdering the stark sanity of progress
That gives a man’s life worth.

I’m digging into a mystery
Sharing my skies with another
Thanking God that I have arrived
Where I can gather appreciation
Eyes like flashlight bulbs
Wide and brightened light
Escaping from midnight to illumination.

Starshine

This age of cell phone ring tones, celebrity envy and capitalism is slowly collapsing. Let anyone who has eyes read and take note, for what you think is important in this life has no value in the next. You can’t take it with you when you’re gone.

I was looking at the show “Fashion Police” with Joan Rivers yesterday. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black…

Here we have an old lady who has, to a very noticeable degree, destroyed her human face and strapped on something that seems to be a cross between a gecko and a mandrill. Yet she fixes her mouth to talk about other celebrities and the clothes they wear. Thinking back on it, seems like some twisted episode of the Twilight Zone where the real people are idolizing the horrible, disfigured personas of stardom, only to realize that their heroes are nothing but liars.

We are tweeting along with the famous, sycophantic drivel in barrels, bantering away when our spiritual lives are in decay. I believe it’s far gone by now. Shame on us.
I don’t want to excuse myself from this, for I am just as much to blame. Yet, at least I realize my folly. I am human enough to admit I need God and I can’t function in life without him to guide me. But those who are walking that dreamy line toward degradation, I hope you wake up long enough to deviate from the course.

A Glorious Path

The road to glory
Steps bemused with the network of movement captured
In the earth like travelers’ patchwork, connecting individual intricacies
Where they are left to sift through the changes marked in history
Like a hand pushing through sand hoping to find a unique enough grain
To call your own
But that’s a road too long and a way cut short on a glorious road
Encumbered pedestrian leaving home
Ragged personage propelled and stripped
Of loving arms and cherished ideals threaded throughout your austere
Bewilderment
Hopes caged, for misinterpretation’s sake
Knowing that skies cry blue and the sun is granting light
To you, on the road to glory.

Reason Enough

A market for the many
A wicker basket and five tomatoes unripe
picking for the plenty
and the poor eat good tonight
you whistling appartion, ghost take flight
bury my mind in my woes and bind my sight.

A life devoid of any
A ticker tape parade dragging the dust
Welcome and free entry
to indulge in your lust
you sorrowful dream, leave as you must
I sulk in my cage and I watch it rust.

A posted, watchful sentry
A somber cascade of meaningful hopes
the commoner's wishful gentry
marked with playful notes
remembering well those loving quotes
so he knows the reason why he wrote.

The Alchemist

I am always on the cusp of an answer; always looming over a clue to my next move. I am playing charades with my soul, I would say, fumbling over some gestures that only amount to more guesswork. Seems a bit insane, my unabashed references to my own mental knife fights, flipping through the pages of my dreams like they are comic books hoping to uncover the villain. But I already know the answer to this: I am the villain. Yet, I play hero as well. This is a conundrum that we all attempt to decipher, but some of us are no closer to a solution the day that we die than we were when or if we realized it.

I read The Alchemist yesterday. It is astounding what Coehlo accomplished in such bare, innocent prose. I found myself captivated by each word, drawn to the protagonist in such a hauntingly explicit way that I might have been him, which is probably what the author intended. The boy Santiago, finds himself following the advice of the great king Melchizedek, who tells him to seek his own “Personal Legend”. Santiago develops a sense about his life, following his heart by recognizing the signs that God places along his path. Though he is distracted and disheartened in some events, Santiago always finds himself facing his destiny: he can’t deny it and he can’t walk away. It is inexplicable in such a plain manner that the boy Santiago realizes that he is part of all and all is part of him. In the end, he says that everything is everything else because we originate from one source: The Hand Who Wrote It All.

I find myself in tears many times reading the book, just because it reminded me of something I knew already: I must follow the dreams that I have in my heart. Regardless of anything else, I must walk my path and create for myself the legend that belongs only to me. Essentially, Coehlo is saying we all have our choices to make in our lives, but those choices should reflect what is in our hearts, because we only have the dreams we set in our minds. This reminded me a lot of The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge. In much the same way Don Juan instructs the author to “follow the path of his heart”.

These teachings, these words, echo throughout my soul, instructing me to follow my heart, and I am elated. Each time I think of them I feel God surging through me, rushing through my heart and mind and soul like a roaring river, and I am overflowed. There is a bounty of joy to be had as long as we keep following our dreams. As Coehlo put it, when we want something, the whole universe conspires to help us achieve it. He called it, “beginner’s luck”. However, I never believed in luck. Even though the word is used by me, I have faith in my Creator and his blessings. Since I know of Jesus and his love, I worry not about being lucky.

Read the book. It may change your life.

The Never Man: Forever

The grand madness feeds
gnawing at aspiration, chewing and biting bits
and wasting the rest, greasy pieces of fat
flicked away. So his head bangs a thunderous boom
shaking his mind like a bag of old nickels.
Maybe he's lost, looking for sanctuary in limbo
and there's no grace in hell.

He's colliding with variables of vintage wisdom,
finding hope in a cage, hints of honest care
that points toward The Way.
People calling out, shouting their hardened phrases
of semi-intellectual directives.
Misshapen glory-crushed impressions that curve
and crease and bend around the truth.

He's the Never-Man that never knew,
never understood the plan, cheapened religion
bought through a phony shake of hands
Walking a path without a clue, a hold
precarious at best, a brittle, mildewed rope
that will give way before long, forcing a long
way down.

Paths still sit at their zenith, waiting for walks
from mindless men that want to fill their heads with
need and truth, paths born for youth and their search
for never and nothing and forever and something
for wounds that cripple
or the itch of love, all, none
Never
a grand madness that feeds
into a spiraling pinch, them, never full
Forever.

The Never Man: Burn

(They paused, jests were made, his head swayed, tilting toward hers like he wanted a way in. Just let him come in and show you how it could/would/should be, possibly thinking…well he’s unworthy to even grace her presence, but his dreams show their souls touching like lovers on the silver screen. Draped casually on her couch, he was still confined to the dismal misfortune of being the one that follows the one before, so his possessive instinct bloomed and wilted simultaneously.)

Strange colors danced before his eyes like flames, and he was hypnotized by the moment, his admiration unrestrained. She was one with the fire, an image of heat and light and fantastic form warping itself through all four dimensions.

He lost himself, tangled in a web of time, gaining his love, losing his mind. He loved her or hated her or both or none. The flame was a ballerina and her dance was not done; his eyes were transfixed and he began to succumb.

He thought she said, “The Never-Man, never did, never can, he will wish to hold that which escapes his hand.”

He laughed like it was the finest joke, she must be playing with the words she spoke. The fire had a smile on her face; a look of satisfaction that doubled for shame and disgrace. But was it aimed at him, or something she fought inside? Surely it was something she was trying to hide.

He might have asked, “Why do you taunt me with this passionate flame? Why me? Why do you play this game?”

She who danced and burned with light, her colors so vibrant that they pulsed and throbbed with life, looked as if she formed the words: “You ask why I taunt, why I play this game, but you sit and watch and feed my flame? The Never-Man, never did, never can, thinks that dirt will not settle when he crosses the sands…”
At that he thought twice. “How could it be? To sit here and love her is all on me? A man with full vision but too blind to see, how I perceive and react is all on me.”

The Never-Man, who never cried, never ran, rose from the couch attempting to stand. The fire seemed brighter and her dance was insane, he could feel her heat growing but her rhythm had changed. He stood there for a moment, and she began to slow down, easing her tempo, quelling the sound. It was magic he dreamt or a vision he touched, either or both, it was too much. When she stopped his eyes met the flames in her own and they reached out to one another because they were both so alone. The Never-Man, never could understand as he put his hands in hers there was no burn to withstand. But the flames, the flames were like the sun as they embraced. They both burned bright as they danced with desire in that place. They burned through their lives in a fiery embrace.

The Never Man: Recovery

Recovery is slow, and I burn through the days, so my eyes glisten bloodshot red

when I swallow the morning; I almost choke on the sun, needing to eat light

cause this darkness is keeping my arteries tight.

I took out a loan on time cause I never have enough left over
As it slips through my hands. I’m the Never Man, never could-never can.
I never juked right; I barely ran. I’m in recovery and it’s slow processing and second guessing, terminal outpatient raving and foolish, puerile cravings of a young man, aging. The years grant gifts of periodic joy, I wander and wonder why I play life so coy, why I’m shuffling my packaged feelings like an errand boy.

Recover. Repair. Under duress, my blessings are a semblance of sleepy-eyed gestures within spiritual haze. A hollow wish pulls an empty gaze, a blind rodent scurrying through a tattered maze. The abandoned home. The missing page. I’m the actor performing his show off-stage, the unheard soliloquy fueled with rage.

I wake up and grab my cup and choke down the sun. I want to feel it going down but my body’s too numb. The Never Man: never free, never done, never defeated but always unsung. Recovery is slow, but the madness is fun, and I burn through the nights just to choke down the sun. I learn through the days and the battles I have won. I burned through the age to the man I've become.

All The Way Gone

I've hustled my way down and around, kicking dirt across weathered roads, catching a glimpse of what life would look like if I really had a hold. I think I'm hurrying, how do I get there when the getting there just got up and burnt out? I wanna rush, I wanna go forth and leap across mountain ranges and feel the air whistling and rattling about me. Speed, man. Let's go.

Let's take it to the fullest extreme, all-out tornado trippin', I'm a whirlwind pyramid or something close to its functionality. I just wanna wake up on the go, my feet already pointed in the direction I need to travel. I wanna be part of the solution to make the world unravel...to cave it in, to break it and watch it rattle. I wanna be the KA-BOOM in your gasp. The shock in your awe. The chatter in your teeth.

Just wanna be. I know Freedom ain't what it used to be. It's a shadow of its own shadow split amongst their shadows. An after image that is beginning to fade. Freedom seemed like it was there one day, then gone, never said "good bye", "I'll see you" or "go to hell". Wonder if Freedom knew me? The same me that's jetting like a plane to see it torn up and done again, built up and spun and spun and then kicked to smithereens like a wooden board before Bruce Lee's foot.

Am I running to escape? Maybe so. But it's too late. I've already been caught and manhandled and bruised and bludgeoned. I got right back up and begged for some more. Look at me: I'm built for this, mom. I'm built for this. Look at what's left of your prodigal son. The son that keeps running til he can no longer run. A son that keep going till he was all the way gone. All the way gone, all the way to none.

Building

Relationships, man. They need to be cultivated. I am now realizing how I am lacking in my relational devotion to my family and friends. Lot of times I think it’s because of how I was raised, you know? My mother showed a lack of interest in most of what I did, even though I was a high achiever in school. She didn’t really show the kind of enthusiasm most parents would, but she showed her approval in different ways. But I wonder if those ways have stunted my growth as the type of person I need (and God needs) me to be?

I guess I shouldn’t dwell on that. I have made it through a lot. But I seem to shy away from the support others give me, or I don’t show the support I need to show to them. It’s like I have that same mentality that my mom had, and that hurts. I should be able to be better, for I know what I went through and how things were somewhat of a detriment to me. How can I be better?

I ask God for direction. I ask him to help me understand myself and why I am the way I am. Still, I don’t know if I’ll ever understand. Maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be like, anyway? Maybe God wants me to work and reach out and close those gaps that I have worked too long to widen.

I was with my friend Antonio at a release party for a local record label who just acquired a distribution deal from Universal Records. We spent a big part of the night waiting around just so he could talk to this label exec. When he finally did talk to him, the conversation might have lasted 5 minutes. Yet, my friend was satisfied, saying that the contact was crucial to his future endeavors.

As sleepy and tired as I was, I understood exactly what he meant. Who knows what that next relationship or contact could mean to your future? Don’t you owe it to yourself to at least reach out and risk giving a part of yourself, regardless of the possibility of rejection? I think so.


Stay sane and remember where your help comes from. Build your relationship with Jesus, first and foremost, then you may find that it comes a little easier to build them with others.

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The Cup of Water

I was talking to my boy yesterday, and he relayed a story to me that he had heard from his marriage counselor, who just happened to be a chaplain. The chaplain said that he wanted his congregation to really understand the message he was trying to convey, so he decided to give them a visual aid. He picked up a glass and put water into it. He then picked up the cup and held his hand out. The chaplain motioned for a young boy to come to the pulpit and shake the arm that held the cup of water. The boy, more than eager to comply, walked up to the pulpit and shook his arm vigorously. Of course, the water spilled out from the cup. With that done, the chaplain asked his congregation: “Why did the water fall out of the cup?”

Many answered that it fell out because the boy shook it. Others gave outlandish answers that were far from the mark. After asking quite a few people, the chaplain decided to give them the answer, which was simply this: The water spilled from the cup because it was there in the first place.

See, it mattered not what was in the cup. When someone shakes the cup, its contents will come spilling out. What he was trying to say is that what’s inside of us will come out when we are tested. What was really inside, good or bad, will show when we are faced with trouble or adversity.

Just thought I’d share that one with y’all. Have a good day.

Like Hitchhiking in Space

Bout to put this book out again...just as sort of a teaser until the new one, The Science of Discontent, is finished. Wow. This is really living the dream, kinda?  Check it out and get a copy if you wanna support a brotha. Much love.  Look for them on Amazon.com.

Wants A Gun

He thought if he left, things would change, all would be new, his world re-arranged. There was just too much of nothing, like a hole within a hole where life moved so slow it was stifling. He wanted to avoid the trifling haunts that called to him like the legendary Sirens, a cacophony in his ear, rifling through his mind making it difficult to think. The bars, the nightclubs, the drinks. He thought of God and family: what would they think?

Frustration mounts, a thick pain in his head that punches and stabs, a killing stroke, until he bleeds his dreams in black inked words. He seeks the light in all things, looking to the changes as divined fortune, whether ill or blessed, no matter the outcome, God knows best. We are built for struggle, he recalls, as the Bible tells of trials and tribulations that will ensue, the challenges of life, must be accepted and expected. Welcome the strife. It’s useless to resist.

Forgetting is so soothing, yet it is dangerous, so we look to find the balance between. He ventures to the shaming balance, his ego dancing on the edge of disdain, caring and wanting to be care-free. What a conundrum that keeps him treading away from the answer, playing games to rid himself of the questioning devils licking at his angst. He wants to laugh, he wants to run. He wants peace and he wants a gun.

He left anyway, a woman on his mind and greenbacks beckoning. No reason to stay. No one needed him. It was the end of those days, as they say.

3 Ways

Enemies

The Attack

Create

I said I’d give myself a change to be happy, to fix my eyes on jubilant skies of blue and bear witness to the reflection in my eyes gazing on the unknown and new. So I cried a lifetime of cries that lasted an instant, tears heavy, rolling down my face like ball bearings. I’m waiting for a sign. Waiting for a time. Waiting for the “intelligent design”. Restructure. Re: Define.

I said I’d give myself that chance and so I will. I see the power that I wield. A power to create, to build worlds with words and sculpt dreams through brushstrokes. My skill is evident and must be nurtured, so I insist on writing to gain purpose. God insists that I write to glorify him, so I am to do both, praise Him in victory and defeat; hold Him close. Chronicle my days by writing the notes.

The true power is in the freedom to create. The brilliant light that language can generate by placing words and phrases in various ways, brings joy to my face. I cannot tell you how unhappy I have been as of late, but I can tell you that these words are my only escape. And I ask God for guidance, for answers I anticipate, and in seeking His glory I find my fate. I am bound. I am charged. I am destined to create.

I Hurt, I Pray, I Cry...

I hurt, I pray, I cry for the day
That I don’t have to anymore. It’s the only way to envision happiness.
And happiness is shackled, a fool lost in chains
While I do battle, worried and worn, torn and stained
My scars are hidden, still, you’ll know the day
You’ve seen the tragedy of the hurt I refuse to display.

I hurt, I pray, I cry for the day
That I don’t have to anymore. It’s the only way to envision happiness.
And happiness is a sucker, a chump that got beat up
Too many times, that’s why I’m watching their moves, turning the heat up
So I can avoid the pain, I don’t need the prospect of therapy
No longer a youth, long in tooth, walking the path to a better me.

I hurt, I pray, I cry for the day
That I don’t have to anymore. It’s the only way to envision happiness.
I am grasping light, figuratively holding the method of liberation
Peeking at it through my fingers, amazed at the illumination
I would hand it to you, freely, if you only would look my direction
But maybe it’s too much to see, at once when you’re looking at your reflection.

That Dreams Again

Think of how overly sad it seems to be tragically caught up in a memory
That takes it time draining you of yours, lingering and loving as it so pleases
touching your face and holding your hand, never really being there but there nonetheless,
making the days nervous so that the nights tremble, and you can’t shake the longing
A broken smile so crystalline, shining thin and ghostly and gone
Is a dream that dreams again, laughing that seems like a song

A memory made, a thought trickling to a cascade of wondering about
Sorrowful intimate notes that were once known to inspire adoration
Living the truth is living a lie is loving somehow watching a cloud filled sky
Casting a somber canopy that is a mirror to my mood, so I’m wishing I could fly
A careful kiss that is warm, is soft, something I carry with me as I walk
Is a dream that dreams again, and the tears pour from my heart.

Never Undone

You could never be undone; you are whole
Though thinking so pulls you in pieces
leaving strands like cloth fraying at the ends
a tattered memory, a dream in prosthesis
so when he reaches to touch, he can't feel
Yet what is deemed false? What is real?

Thoughts that are tangible, the waking arts that
manifest pages as ink stretched words and phrases
poetry and pictures of places, things, shapes, faces
are the stitches that have been sewn, the lines etched
permanent marks that can't be erased
They're engraved. Pressed.

You would never be undone; fully together
Watching the storms hover close with no shelter needed
Will you look to the lightning and hear the thunder precede it?
For there is warning that comes, the angered spark
That wakes the sleeping men or yanks them apart.

This Is How They Go

I haven’t seen anything yet, possibly they were fragments of the whole,
Puzzle pieces that have yet to connect, waiting flat and inanimate to be found
It’s all I can do to pick them up, one by one, place them carefully where I can see
And know, thinking, “maybe this is how they go”…
But no.
What you think might click, just don’t fit and back you go to search again
But at least you know what won’t work, what you can’t put in
The beauty is you’re learning to put it together on your own, grown enough
To discover the connection was always known.

Comatose

Slipping into an emotional coma. Seemed to be drained of what little remained in the first place. I try to explain to myself that there is an underlying message for it all and it probably is. I would like to think that giving it my best is what I have done. Don’t know how to manage loving when loving seems to be returned to the sender like mail that went to the wrong house. Nothing changes, nothing stays the same. It’s a cycle that I seem to be drawn into, undoing what has been done, walking around a path that ends up at the same wall I just climbed over. Sadness pours like a fountain.

Don’t cry for me, I am awaiting closure. Not so much more I can take. God asks me to have patience, and to ignore my pride, which I do. Pride is the offspring of the Ego, and they are both monsters, so much that I don’t know which is worse. Sadness.
My eyes dream of something I remembered and possibly lost again. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s much more than a man such as myself can even hope to accomplish.

God grants you what you need in order to get over. It may need to end in order to get over. And if that’s His plan, I’m good. I’m fine with it.

Pity, Pity...

I had the pleasure of seeing one of my old high school buddies a few days ago. Nothing much had changed about him. Seemed he may have lost a little weight, though. Not many of my friends are smaller than they were in high school, and this made me wonder. I said to him that I wished I could be his weight, possibly get down a few pounds. He said I looked just as I had in high school and that I "never had a six pack" in my life. I told him that he was wrong about that. I had lost weight a few years ago, shedding almost 75 lbs. He was amazed at that, and proceeded to give me props. Yet, in the back of my head I was thinking that it was pretty pitiful that I had done that, lost all that weight, now I am nearly back to what I was 10 years ago. Shame that, you know?

Pretty pitiful but I'd rather not have pity from anyone. I actually have more muscle than I had back then, so it's not all bad. I don't really look as if I carry a whole lot of weight. Instead of pitying myself, I will go ahead and lost the rest of what I have on me. It shouldn't be too hard. I am actually right on the target and what my friend said will serve to motivate me to become better. I don't ever want someone to say that to me again, as if I should accept what I am now, like I've never become better. Surely, this is a most important challenge. Since God is with me, I worry not about the outcome. I will just show up for the work and let him do the rest.

The Beautiful Truth

To God I must go, to be finally free. Sometimes I think I am not long for this world. Other times, I believe I can overcome. I know I have said this quite often, a very recurring theme, but I am just now getting to the point where I feel strong enough to step forward and become the man I have dreamed to be. REALLY. Last night I watched a movie called The Beautiful Truth. It was a documentary about the human diet, and how the way we eat can cure a lot of the health problems we face. They were talking at length about MSG and how it leads to more health concerns, most importantly cancer. At the same time, they were speaking about how cancer could be cure by using the Gerson method of holistic healing. This method of healing had been proved to work by Gerson by many tests and subjects that were terminal cancer patients. The results of these tests were hidden and ridiculed because there was no money in it. If there was no profit to be made, then there was every effort to make pharmaceutical and chemical companies look like the saviors by promoting their cures.

Now I am forced to take a look at my own health and begin eating better. It’s time to heal myself and begin the process of becoming a whole being. Because if the things Gerson said were true, then we are in big trouble. Socially, mentally and emotionally we must liberate ourselves so that we don’t fall victim to big business and their capitalism fueled homicidal rampage.

The Wizard

Looking into yourself, that true act of introspection, is the first sign of enlightenment. Now, since it is the first sign and the easiest, most folks never cross the boundary to attempt the next. How interesting that I contemplate my own sanity while others accept this life as it is? Shouldn’t I be blissfully ignorant so that I won’t have to go through the pain of spiritual liberation?
Never. Even as I stumble through this truth with appalling effort, I would still rather die standing up than to live on my knees. I refuse to be less than I am. You should, too.

I think the battle comes in the everyday challenges we face. Sometimes we are so lost in what we are doing that we forget that we are all playing a part in one big stage show. We are all connected in a performance that has been going on since time immemorial. We come from the One and will return to the One. But there is so much confusion in the world that minds are clouded and the truth is concealed behind the veil.

It is time to go behind stage and speak to the Wizard, if you know what I mean.

(I’m talking about communing with Jesus…)

Feeling Something...

Been a year already. God is good. I wake up in the morning these days thinking that I have the inherent power to overcome anything that comes my way. The problem is that no matter what I think, the world gets in the way. No matter where I go, there I am, still struggling through just trying to be more than what I was made of, and I believe I fail miserably at every turn.

But God is merciful.

I get up and pray each day that I will pursue the path that will lead to my enlightenment. I wish to walk the way Jesus did, living an ascetic life and showing love to my fellow man. Yet I don't know if I even have it in me.

I ask my God to guide me, the lonely, pathetic man that I am, towards a greater understanding of myself and my situation. I am glad he makes me suffer through it, all the way, because at least I feel something. Feeling something is better than nothing at all, sometimes.

Respect Yourself

If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

With a little illumination, just a bit more light, comes a brighter piece of the whole picture, shining for one to explore. I think that I have disrespected myself long enough, and with that, I have to make amends. I look at myself these days and see only a shadow of the former me. Though stronger, I am more agitated. I think I am wiser, but what have I to show for it? To what aim do I drive myself towards?

I only mean that I have come to the brink. I am looking over the precipice and down into the abyss. This, I think, is much like facing the inevitable downfall which is death: the release of our soul essence into God's infinite spirit. Through Jesus who strengthens me in my beliefs, I am grounded. I dare not waver, for as I respect He who gave me breath, I must realize that I gain respect through the ideals I have faith in. Basically, as I show my respect of God and others, others will respect me for those very things.

Your light can shine bright, for all to see. It breaks the darkness and shows the way, like any modern flashlight. The light is within us all and yearns to eminate from our being for all to notice. Some people call this an aura. It doesn't matter what it's called, because the idea is to cultivate your inner man in order to influence the outer one.

Respect of yourself will lead others to respect you. You must show that you are a person of principles; of faith. I am just now remembering what it is I need to be the happy, loving, gentle and caring person I know that I am. Sometimes when there is something missing from our lives we lose touch with who we are and begin to falter in our principles. I submit that at those times, we are disrespecting our inner being, refusing to grasp the true happiness we are allowed.

Think on it.
God be praised.

100 Ways by James Ingram

I know y'all remember this one. It's an oldie but goodie.

Let me just dedicate this to my lady. I hope she likes...

Compliment what she does
Send her roses just because
If it's violins she loves
Let them play
Dedicate her favourite song
And hold her closer all night long
Love her today
Find one hundred ways

Dont forget, there could be
An old lover in her memory
If you need her so much more
Why don't you say?
Maybe she has it in her mind
That she's just wasting her time
Ask her to stay
Find one hundred ways

Being cool won't help you keep a love warm
You'll just blow your only chance
Take the time to open up your heart
That's the secret of romance

Sacrifice if you care
Buy her some moonlight to wear
If it's one more star she wants
Go all the way
In your arms tonight, she'll reflect
That she owes you the sweetest of debts
If she wants to pay
Find one hundred ways

Love her today
Find one hundred ways


I find this song to be so true. I can remember one of my friends in college calling himself "La Catcher" because he felt that if a man isn't doing his job for his woman, he's the one who'll be there to catch her when she falls. Just think on it. If you aren't doing all you can to please your woman, then how is she supposed to be pleasing you? Don't be selfish. Love her today. Find 100 ways.

REDEMPTION SONG by Bob Marley

(One of my all time favorites. Brings the big baby tears every time.)

Old pirates, yes, they rob I;
Sold I to the merchant ships,
Minutes after they took I
From the bottomless pit.
But my hand was made strong
By the 'and of the Almighty.
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly.
Won't you help to sing
This songs of freedom
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fullfil the book.

Won't you help to sing
This songs of freedom-
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our mind.
Wo! Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?
Yes, some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the book.
Won't you have to sing
These songs of freedom? -
'Cause all I ever had:
Redemption songs -
All I ever had:
Redemption songs:
These songs of freedom,
Songs of freedom.

I Am In Your Debt Lord

Thinking back on my childhood, I don’t believe I dreamed about the future very much. My imagination wandered to less important things, like cartoons and music videos; He-Man and Rap City on repeat. There was no speculation, really, because I wasn’t forced to contemplate any eventualities. Or rather, those eventualities extended to only two outcomes: not going to prison and getting into college. Maybe I thought of it in comparison to other male figures such as my uncles or even my father. Many of my uncles on my mother’s side of the family had been to prison. Some were drug abusers as well. My father’s brothers didn’t seem to be much to look up to, either. Some just ran the streets, Olympian hoodlums, with several children, all born out of wedlock.

Remarkably, as I sit here, I am convinced that each and every person in my life has helped guide my life in a direction that lead me towards Christ Jesus. Though I have been an atheist and a Muslim, I am certain that they were but stepping stones to what I am today. The cause leads to an effect, see? To see the world as my enemy was probably something engrained in my psyche, so much that I rebelled against anything that was thrown at me, causing my beliefs to evolve. I grew up as a Baptist, in a Pentecostal Church, my grandmother singing in the choir and my great granny smacking me in the head so I could wake up and listen to the sermon.
I found most of the congregation to be hypocrites and lip professors that praised the Lord by day and slithered like snakes through the night. Bad juju. It was there that my faith was altered. Still, I inquired of my baptism to which my mother responded that she had not done. I took it upon myself one day to be baptized, at the age of 12, at a church that I knew little of. Their earnestness intrigued me, and I couldn’t refuse salvation, could I? That baptism was a blessing and I thank God for putting those people on my path.

I am almost 33, the supposed age of Jesus when he was crucified and I believe this will be a year of “resurrection” for me. Changes have destroyed me, built me up and rearranged everything I thought to be right and exact. But change, change is the only thing other than God that is constant in this world. I don’t expect my God to change because he is already perfect, but I know he expects me to change. This is why I don’t get that people go through life thinking that “this is how I am and I will not change, so don’t expect anything to be different”. Honestly, God requires a transformation of us, for it shows that we are new creatures in Him, right? Our hearts and minds are renewed by the coming of His Spirit.

Why would you want to remain as you are for the rest of your life? Why would you want to be stagnant and not grow up in the Faith? These years since I have left my undergrad I gained a great amount of wisdom through my experiences. My life is changed because of what I have gone through. I am stronger because of what God has allowed me to experience. It’s hard to regret anything because I love who I am. And with all my faults, I find that it compels me to try harder to be a good man. A good brother. A good son. A good lover.

I am on my way, Lord. Thanks for giving me another chance. Thank you for your Grace and Mercy. Thank you for your Love. I am in your debt.

IS GOD REAL?

How do you know God is real?

Step outside. Notice the sky. You may or may not see clouds, but you can see how vast it is, how beautiful it is to know that people you’ve never even met are possibly looking up at that same great space. Whether night or day, it is an awesome feeling. Look at the trees, and how they grow tall and strong. Green leaves that filter the air so that we may breathe it. The birds chirp, wolves howl. The sun beams and the moon glows. There are stars so distant that if we ever made our way to them they would have already burnt out, twinkling and shimmering like diamonds.


Look in the mirror. Do you ever notice how unique you are, that your composition is different than anyone who has come before you? Even if you are a twin, you know that you are different. It’s a feeling you have inside that says “I am more than my physical appearance” leading you to believe that no one can duplicate who you are. Your hair, your teeth and your very fingerprints are all different from anyone else ever created. It is remarkable that we exist here, on this planet, in families that love and care for us.

You can see pictures of the world we live in. From the Amazon Rain Forest to the Grand Canyon, it is all so amazing. The oceans are teeming with life, some of which have not even been discovered. We have food in abundance, grown from the very ground we stand upon. There are great monuments that have been built, such as the Giza pyramids that cannot be duplicated by any scientific means. We are a diverse species whose distinct characteristics complement the environments we originate from, yet we are intelligent enough to find a way to live in any area of the globe.
This is NOT by chance. There is a reason for all that we see and hear and do. I know God is REAL because I feel it deep down in my soul every time I look at my sisters and brothers. Each time I kiss the woman I love, I feel his presence. When I talk to my granny, I know he’s present. Hugging my father, I can feel his arms around us. Looking in my mother’s eyes, I can see God looking back at me.

See, for me, belief is not a choice. Atheists talk about not being able to believe in something they can’t see, but that’s foolishness. I guess you don’t believe in air, then? Or, how about microwaves or radio waves? Do they not exist just because we can’t see them with our eyes? Why is it that some human beings can’t stand not being able to know everything? Why can’t you just be humble enough to say, “Well, I don’t know everything. I guess God could exist.” There’s no shame in that. Matter of fact, that’s a more intelligent affirmation than, “I don’t believe in what I can’t see.”

You know what? I believe as human we expect everything to be laid out for us. We think it all has to be simple and understood and there’s no deviating from the reality presented to us. I recall reading in my history books as an adolescent that man was convinced the earth was flat for a long time. Then, someone proved them wrong by sailing around the globe. Now, if someone were to say that the earth was flat they would be regarded as ninnies and dummkopfs. All I’m saying is think about it: how could all this exist without a benevolent creator. A creator with a grand design for us. A design we can’t fathom, but must have faith to follow.

Sins of Man

"Then the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the LORD was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart." (Genesis 6:5-6).

Sin is an inherent characteristic of man. We are born into it and will die with, as well. Yet, God promises us salvation if we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. The Bible says that we will be forgiven if we confess our sins unto him and are truly of a repentant heart. The Lord knows we are not perfect beings, and instead of destroying us he has offered to grant us a way into his graces. This chance is available to anyone who believes that Christ died for the sins of man.

I see how wicked we are as people, and it grieves me, too. It is terrible that we get caught up in the world and all its foul ways, seeming to conform to what is in front of us. We are all guilty of this, for it is easy to become lost in what the world considers acceptable. We want to confront the Lord on our own terms and make excuses for what we do, simply because everyone else is doing it. This is a disastrous error and if left unchecked one could be lost in his own recidivism.

The darkness is growing. We need warriors to combat what is happening out there, in the world. We need great leaders to stand up for what is right. I use my words to reach people but words are never enough. Action must be presented to make the words meaningful. I urge everyone to look within themselves and test the heart, so that God may show you the way towards your salvation and turn you away from the path of destruction.

Love y’all.

God, Father, forgive us for our sins. We ask that you continue to build within us a gracious and humble heart, so that we may follow you. Let us also lead our families by example. May we be slow to anger and quick to love, showing that our blessings are not taken for granted. Thank you for being God all by yourself. You don’t need any help. If we weren’t created, you would still be just as awesome.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Book of Eli

I had the honor of seeing the new Hughes Brothers sci-fi epic, The Book of Eli, and I was truly impressed. Denzel Washington is a notably excellent actor, deeply respected by his peers and a recipient of numerous accolades, including an Oscar. In this movie he plays the role of Eli, a post-apocalyptic nomad on a mission to deliver a very important book. He believes his mission to be God inspired, and he is prepared to do anything in his power to make sure his package arrives safely.

I was surprised by the action sequences, mostly because I am not used to seeing Denzel doing any fight choreography where scenes involve martial art type movements. It was truly impressive, in my opinion.

I won’t go into too much detail about what happens in the movie, but I will say that it caused a dramatic resurgence in my faith as a Christian. I mean, I was actually in tears at some points in the movie because I so empathized with the character. Here we have a man on a quest who doesn’t even know where it is going to lead him, walking by faith alone. “We walk by faith, not by sight…” Yeah. I cried.
I cried because I have been so out of touch with God these past few months that I was taking it all for granted. I mean, I was truly reminded that this is WAR. Seriously. Every day is a battle, where we are caught within the world and its dangerous plights while trying desperately to cling to the tenets of our faith. The Eli character did this remarkably well, and showed strength in the face of monstrous and unbelievable conditions.

I wish to be like that. I want to be able to walk tall and stand proud in the affirmation that Christ saved me from myself. I know this isn’t written as well as it is supposed to be, but I hope God can see its sincerity. I hope that you all get a chance to see this movie. Maybe it will change your life as it did mine.

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to vplease him. 1For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. -2 Corinthians 5:6-10

The Battle in the Mind

“He will guard the feet of his saints, but the wicked will be silenced in darkness. It is not by strength that one prevails.” (NIV) -1 Samuel 2:9

I appear to be a strong man. I left weights every day. I push my body to endure things normal men wouldn’t. I am physically stronger than the average man my age and height. Yet, there are times I feel immensely weak. There are days I feel like you could knock me over with a feather.

Yesterday I felt impossibly confused and somewhat angry as to what God intends for me. I see things change these days and I wonder what lies ahead, after all I have done. Yet it appears I have not done enough in God’s eyes. So I will take my mind away from this situation and place it on Him so that He will strengthen my resolve, calm me and take away my fears.

I firmly believe the victory is first obtained in the mind. By keeping God close and the faith in him paramount, it pushes the physical capabilities even further. What we contend with these days are not just physical problems but spiritual and mental. We must continue to strengthen our minds against those who would intend to harm the faith that we hold dear. One of my favorite quotes is “the mind is the sword.” Truly, it is the most powerful weapon we have, yet we misuse it every day, wasting our thoughts on miniscule matters that will have no consequence in the betterment of our lives and others.

Thank you, Lord, for today. It is especially awesome that you have come to my aid in the days I have thought I would falter. You have given me mental strength in the midst of my own shortcomings, though I don’t utilize the full force of it enough to have an impact. Thank you for your forgiveness.
So once again, I hope to honor you with these words that flow from my heart like water through a sieve. Praise be unto the Most High, Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. In His name, I pray…

My God, my pen, ‘til this world ends.

Live to Learn/ Another Answer

The axiom “Live and learn” holds so true. How amazing is it that God allows us to live here and experience the trials and tribulations that the Earth has to offer. On this great ball of water and dust, spinning through space at thousands of miles an hour, we are afforded the blessing of love and family, of an amazing God that loves us despite our sin nature. We travel through days, quickly, learning all we need to survive on along the way. It can’t be a coincidence that we are here, at this time in history. We are witnessing a change that is profound.

Yet, amidst the beauty there is a great ugliness that sits upon the world like an ink blot on a white sheet of paper. A stain so deep I wonder if we can be cleansed of it. Then I think, “It’s not for me to wonder”, for God will answer all in time. He will address the horrors that we cower from when he comes back. No matter when that is, I am comforted by the fact that I will be with God in the afterlife. I am ever faithful, because I know that in the end He is all that can save me. He is all that I have. When all else fails me, He is there. So I am happy to look to Him in times of great happiness and pitiful sorrow.

Walk tall and proceed as warriors. There is no room for weakness anymore. Protect your faith and guard your heart, for the Bible says it is the most precious of all. Pray for me as I pray for you.

The Straight Path, Re-Visited

"Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator."
-Colossians 3:9-10


Thank you God for giving me another chance.

I know so much has happened in the past year, but I continue to be hopeful. You have made a way for me when I literally had none. I can remember when I was at work in Washington, not knowing where I was going to sleep that night, lo and behold you sent someone that gave me a place to lay my head for not one night, but three. Lord, I was actually homeless for those days, and I realize that you wouldn't let me fall too far, as long as I had you on my mind and in my heart.

I thank you for just being God all by yourself. You don't need any help to make the stars shine and the planets move. I am humbled by your grace and in awe of your majesty. I ask that you continue to build in me the great human being you have asked me to be. I know I have my flaws and I fall short of what you want me to be, but you love me anyway. Thank you.

I ask that you take care of my loved ones. I want you to watch over them and keep them safe, Lord. My friends, all those near and far, keep them close to you so that no harm may befall them. I ask that those things or people you don't want in my life Lord, remove them with grace and expedience, Father, for I must not tarry. Liberation is near.

My true goal in life was to just be free. I know it sounds simple and maybe even crazy, but freedom is elusive. Highly sought, but rarely found. Help me find my way, Heavenly Father. This is my prayer to you, for I am but a lowly servant, a man trying to be a warrior. Put me on the straight path, so that I may lead by example.

In Jesus name I pray to Thee, Amen.

This Is For The Lover In You

Maybe this is premature, but I know this song says all the things I would want to say were it that right time. Even so, we aren't promised tomorrow. This goes out to the lover in you, from the lover in me...

I love you.


This Is For The Lover In You ~ShalamarIt’s got to be real

Girl, I could write a book on how you’re makin’ me feel
I know I’ll never find
Another who could match the lovin’ you’ve givin’ to me

So this is for the lover in you
This ring means I’ll always be true
This is how we’ll start love anew
This time it’s gonna last forever

I trust you, yes, I do
And girl, you’re not the kind a guy could easily charm
‘Cause the meaning of love
Is always shown to me when you are wrapped in my arms

So this is for the lover in you
This ring means I’ll always be true
This is how we’ll start love anew
This time it’s gonna last forever (I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna give you up)

This is for the lover in you (I love you , baby)
This ring (Ooh)
This is (For the lover in you, girl)
This time it’s gonna last forever

I could say I never met a girl, no, no
Who satisfied my mental and my physical thing
When I lay me down to sleep
I’m rest assured with the thought that you are right next to me, my baby

This is for the lover in you (Take this ring)
This ring (It means I’ll always be true)
This is (How we’ll start love anew)
This time it’s gonna last forever

This is for the lover in you (Take this ring)
This ring (Oh...oh...)
This is (Sweet baby)
This time we’re gonna be together

Oh...
So much love between us
I’ll be the one to come runnin’ {Be the one to come runnin’}
Oh, home to you {Home to you}
You give me sweet love
With a woman like you, I don’t need to play around
Oh, you’re more than just one woman
You’re blowin’ my mind with the love that you’re givin’
That’s what you hear me say
Girl, every day

It’s for the lover in you, baby
With this ring I’ll show you that there ain’t no maybes
It’s for the lover in you, baby
And it’s this time we’re gonna last forever

It’s for the lover in you, baby
With this ring I’ll show you that there ain’t no maybes
It’s for the lover in you, baby
And it’s this time we’re gonna be together

It’s for the lover in you, baby
With this ring I’ll show you that there ain’t no maybes
It’s for the lover in you, baby
And it’s this time

Nude

One of my very favorites on the album 'In Rainbows', I visited the lyrics page just to see what the heck he was saying. Kinda deep. Thom's gotta be the king of minimalism. Short on words, big on impact. Makes me think of Canada and all the time I spent there only to realize that I belonged somewhere else. That there was something "missing" all along. The irony is that the first time I heard this song I was there in Vancouver. But I never knew what they lyrics were. I would listen to this song time and time again...and never looked the words up. But Gods hears. He sees. And now I know why I needed to see these words now and not then.

Funny how much you can see when the sky ain't clouded.


"Nude"

Don't get any big ideas
They're not gonna happen

You paint yourself white
And fill up with noise
But there'll be something missing

Now that you've found it, it's gone
Now that you feel it, you don't
You've gone off the rails

So don't get any big ideas
They're not gonna happen

You'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

Been Waiting, Lord

Whereas they want it all, grabbing blindly at none, my eyes are open so give me some
Been waiting on this Lord, wondering how it’s gonna come,
How my hands will be positioned, where my irises will be aimed,
Will it follow the way of the world, or the rules of the game
Where profit equals smiles through a soul’s exchange,
Or perhaps a miracle that cannot be explained?
Will selfishness usher the demise of my favor?
Will I ever bear fruit for my labor?
Or will that sweet taste be unavailable for me to savor?

Whereas they want it all, lost in the error of their fun, my eyes are open so give me some
Been waiting on this Lord, wondering how it’s gonna come,
How my mouth will sing your praise, or be full of lamentation,
Will I be standing amidst a family and their adoring admiration,
Where my soul is at ease and I live free of frustration?
Or perhaps I am pursuing more education?
Will I suffer the sins that my father has wrought?
Will I leave this world still seeking the unsought?
Or will I rest assured of the price my soul was bought?

Lend me your hand, God, let me stand
I want to be your warrior, but I am just a man
To work out the journey and perform your plan
My eyes are watching you Lord, here I am.