Excerpt: SOD

When I was getting ready to leave DC, standing in the bus terminal, thinking I had it all figured out to establish a new life and a new career back home, I was just oblivious to the circumstances that would mold a foundation of sorts for my future. My then-girlfriend Angela stood inside the building, her brown eyes teary and sad, not truly wanting me to leave, but knowing deep down there was nothing she could do about it. It was a powerful decision, one that would echo throughout my most significant relationships for years to come. I would become the King of Letting Go, the reluctant ruler of transformational experience. I had ended a four year relationship in order to trace my own path, and it would not be the last.

I had been living with Angela, and she was attending Howard University. I had been, subconsciously jealous of this, and I so much wanted to have a better life and an easier time pushing toward my goal. Yet, it was more likely I would face more adversity in the coming months.

Underestimated

Maybe it's difficult to understand our capacity to underestimate ourselves. Socially we have come to accept the limitations imposed upon us. We dress up in suits and trudge through our 9 to 5 with tunnelvision, just blind enough to miss the life that surrounds us.

I have decided to give myself time to establish a body of work and develop some essential writing skills that will give me perspective. I need to know the true scope of the vision I have for myself. Even as my purpose unfolds, I know that many people think that they have this singular goal for their lives that will define them and make their lives meaningful...alas, you will be disappointed.

You are inside the meaning. Here and now you serve your purpose by just being. It is when you live in the past that you lose that definition, and become spiritually stagnant. Your past is dead, and to feed on it means death to your spirit.

In my book, I do expound upon this much more, but this is just a bit to push you along and keep things in perspective. Do not underestimate your value and power to become the meaning...

Options

It's good to have options. Having options eliminates the reliance on a single outcome. When you are able to choose, you are also happier. I find it beautiful to know how many places I can travel, how many levels I can attain. It makes the world less obtrusive, and opens my mind to unlimited possibilities.

I dig living like the moments that come are in synch with who I am. I am not scared and no longer should I worry. It's been a few months since I have been concerned with anything in particular. I am glad the truth of God remains alive in my heart. I live to be blessed by the moments he gives me...so wonderful!

I am Life.

There are a lot of mistakes to recount. A lot of missteps to measure. Yet the great thing about life is that I don't have to dwell on anything. I can just be Marcelle. I don't have to worry, cause God got me. Everything he puts in my path is specifically meant for my spiritual advancement. So I no longer have to be the ghost of my true self: life and I are one.

In my next book I will be able to go into detail about all of this. I will be able to expound upon the poetry and deliver an understanding of what I am: positively and negatively. I will note how the ego is prevalent in much of what we all do and say...but it will not be the theme of the book. The theme is growth and awareness and advancement despite of the challenges we face and the way we grew up. Despite our environment or our belief system.

Read up on the book, "A New Earth". It should open a lot of eyes and help change lives. It helped me see a broader spectrum, and the truth behind my actions.

Write It!

I once thought the world was something it is most certainly not. I once had dreams, visions of what life could be- fantasies fed by the over bearing media sculpted illusion. A quixotic menagerie of exceptional lives that became my ideal. I should be ashamed to say it, but I own up to my ignorance. My life is nothing if not my own; I must carve out my own niche, and not be infatuated by the shine of one alien to me.

Why is it that we envy? Do we even understand that many folks who live these ideal lives are all surface for our understanding. We know nothing of the poor innerworkings that shake their foundations, much like our own.

My second book is ready. It's been ready. Seems like I have been waiting for the right time to present it. That time is now. Maybe it will finally allow me to be the individual I hunger to be, and the being God needs me to be. Somehow, that is probably wrong. I am already the man I need to be. I am Marcelle. I am Marcelle's life. Life and Marcelle are the same.

Surreality

It gets more surreal everyday. Sometimes I dream of these beautiful works of art that exhibit profound imagery and a hint of psychosis...like Dali's comic book. I see these pics sometimes, like advertisements of Anime and posters with figures shaped with solid black lines and flourescent colors. Makes me want to draw and rediscover the world that I left behind in art school. It grabs me each time, this vision, and refuses to let go.

Work cripples me. Wish I could just draw and write and be worry free. Guess that's a bit too far from this present state of darkness...