Pity, Pity...

I had the pleasure of seeing one of my old high school buddies a few days ago. Nothing much had changed about him. Seemed he may have lost a little weight, though. Not many of my friends are smaller than they were in high school, and this made me wonder. I said to him that I wished I could be his weight, possibly get down a few pounds. He said I looked just as I had in high school and that I "never had a six pack" in my life. I told him that he was wrong about that. I had lost weight a few years ago, shedding almost 75 lbs. He was amazed at that, and proceeded to give me props. Yet, in the back of my head I was thinking that it was pretty pitiful that I had done that, lost all that weight, now I am nearly back to what I was 10 years ago. Shame that, you know?

Pretty pitiful but I'd rather not have pity from anyone. I actually have more muscle than I had back then, so it's not all bad. I don't really look as if I carry a whole lot of weight. Instead of pitying myself, I will go ahead and lost the rest of what I have on me. It shouldn't be too hard. I am actually right on the target and what my friend said will serve to motivate me to become better. I don't ever want someone to say that to me again, as if I should accept what I am now, like I've never become better. Surely, this is a most important challenge. Since God is with me, I worry not about the outcome. I will just show up for the work and let him do the rest.

The Beautiful Truth

To God I must go, to be finally free. Sometimes I think I am not long for this world. Other times, I believe I can overcome. I know I have said this quite often, a very recurring theme, but I am just now getting to the point where I feel strong enough to step forward and become the man I have dreamed to be. REALLY. Last night I watched a movie called The Beautiful Truth. It was a documentary about the human diet, and how the way we eat can cure a lot of the health problems we face. They were talking at length about MSG and how it leads to more health concerns, most importantly cancer. At the same time, they were speaking about how cancer could be cure by using the Gerson method of holistic healing. This method of healing had been proved to work by Gerson by many tests and subjects that were terminal cancer patients. The results of these tests were hidden and ridiculed because there was no money in it. If there was no profit to be made, then there was every effort to make pharmaceutical and chemical companies look like the saviors by promoting their cures.

Now I am forced to take a look at my own health and begin eating better. It’s time to heal myself and begin the process of becoming a whole being. Because if the things Gerson said were true, then we are in big trouble. Socially, mentally and emotionally we must liberate ourselves so that we don’t fall victim to big business and their capitalism fueled homicidal rampage.

The Wizard

Looking into yourself, that true act of introspection, is the first sign of enlightenment. Now, since it is the first sign and the easiest, most folks never cross the boundary to attempt the next. How interesting that I contemplate my own sanity while others accept this life as it is? Shouldn’t I be blissfully ignorant so that I won’t have to go through the pain of spiritual liberation?
Never. Even as I stumble through this truth with appalling effort, I would still rather die standing up than to live on my knees. I refuse to be less than I am. You should, too.

I think the battle comes in the everyday challenges we face. Sometimes we are so lost in what we are doing that we forget that we are all playing a part in one big stage show. We are all connected in a performance that has been going on since time immemorial. We come from the One and will return to the One. But there is so much confusion in the world that minds are clouded and the truth is concealed behind the veil.

It is time to go behind stage and speak to the Wizard, if you know what I mean.

(I’m talking about communing with Jesus…)

Feeling Something...

Been a year already. God is good. I wake up in the morning these days thinking that I have the inherent power to overcome anything that comes my way. The problem is that no matter what I think, the world gets in the way. No matter where I go, there I am, still struggling through just trying to be more than what I was made of, and I believe I fail miserably at every turn.

But God is merciful.

I get up and pray each day that I will pursue the path that will lead to my enlightenment. I wish to walk the way Jesus did, living an ascetic life and showing love to my fellow man. Yet I don't know if I even have it in me.

I ask my God to guide me, the lonely, pathetic man that I am, towards a greater understanding of myself and my situation. I am glad he makes me suffer through it, all the way, because at least I feel something. Feeling something is better than nothing at all, sometimes.

Respect Yourself

If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

With a little illumination, just a bit more light, comes a brighter piece of the whole picture, shining for one to explore. I think that I have disrespected myself long enough, and with that, I have to make amends. I look at myself these days and see only a shadow of the former me. Though stronger, I am more agitated. I think I am wiser, but what have I to show for it? To what aim do I drive myself towards?

I only mean that I have come to the brink. I am looking over the precipice and down into the abyss. This, I think, is much like facing the inevitable downfall which is death: the release of our soul essence into God's infinite spirit. Through Jesus who strengthens me in my beliefs, I am grounded. I dare not waver, for as I respect He who gave me breath, I must realize that I gain respect through the ideals I have faith in. Basically, as I show my respect of God and others, others will respect me for those very things.

Your light can shine bright, for all to see. It breaks the darkness and shows the way, like any modern flashlight. The light is within us all and yearns to eminate from our being for all to notice. Some people call this an aura. It doesn't matter what it's called, because the idea is to cultivate your inner man in order to influence the outer one.

Respect of yourself will lead others to respect you. You must show that you are a person of principles; of faith. I am just now remembering what it is I need to be the happy, loving, gentle and caring person I know that I am. Sometimes when there is something missing from our lives we lose touch with who we are and begin to falter in our principles. I submit that at those times, we are disrespecting our inner being, refusing to grasp the true happiness we are allowed.

Think on it.
God be praised.

100 Ways by James Ingram

I know y'all remember this one. It's an oldie but goodie.

Let me just dedicate this to my lady. I hope she likes...

Compliment what she does
Send her roses just because
If it's violins she loves
Let them play
Dedicate her favourite song
And hold her closer all night long
Love her today
Find one hundred ways

Dont forget, there could be
An old lover in her memory
If you need her so much more
Why don't you say?
Maybe she has it in her mind
That she's just wasting her time
Ask her to stay
Find one hundred ways

Being cool won't help you keep a love warm
You'll just blow your only chance
Take the time to open up your heart
That's the secret of romance

Sacrifice if you care
Buy her some moonlight to wear
If it's one more star she wants
Go all the way
In your arms tonight, she'll reflect
That she owes you the sweetest of debts
If she wants to pay
Find one hundred ways

Love her today
Find one hundred ways


I find this song to be so true. I can remember one of my friends in college calling himself "La Catcher" because he felt that if a man isn't doing his job for his woman, he's the one who'll be there to catch her when she falls. Just think on it. If you aren't doing all you can to please your woman, then how is she supposed to be pleasing you? Don't be selfish. Love her today. Find 100 ways.

REDEMPTION SONG by Bob Marley

(One of my all time favorites. Brings the big baby tears every time.)

Old pirates, yes, they rob I;
Sold I to the merchant ships,
Minutes after they took I
From the bottomless pit.
But my hand was made strong
By the 'and of the Almighty.
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly.
Won't you help to sing
This songs of freedom
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fullfil the book.

Won't you help to sing
This songs of freedom-
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our mind.
Wo! Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?
Yes, some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the book.
Won't you have to sing
These songs of freedom? -
'Cause all I ever had:
Redemption songs -
All I ever had:
Redemption songs:
These songs of freedom,
Songs of freedom.