The World Will Explode

The world is gonna explode, can't you feel the rumbling now,
foundations rattling like a ziploc half-full of teeth, streets look like
crags and mountain peaks? Where people don't walk, they can only climb,
preoccupied with the hustle, the hardship, the prison of the mind?

The boom, the blast will be too big to be heard, likely we won't know
when it's time, there will be no words broadcasts will be terminated,
pictures lost behind the glass, perpetually frightened that the next
breath will be the last.

No heights to be reached, no more wealth to gain, no cost for selfish
thoughts to further a name, cause the world is gonna explode in a fiery
blaze, to raze the land from the demon's hand and banish him to his
cage.

Where will the children gather then, their playtime arrested, their
happiness removed, their future ingested, carrying the seeds of hope for
an unmarked cemetery of blackened dust and smoking incendiary?

The world WILL explode, and only God knows which path will open, who
will walk which road, the chosen few, the forsaken mass, but the last
shall be first and the first shall be last. The world WILL explode, but
here is the key: I can live for Christ because He died for me.
Marcelle D. Ward

The Triple L (Love Life Left)

I used to love what I thought was love like I needed love to love
myself, but the heat of love brought deceit in love now there isn't any
love life left.

A ring, a ring on your bones, encircling a digit, remarkably clinging to
me as it did your own, a ring so I was undone. No stones to fret your
fiendish intellect spent wrapped around a notion that held my potential
in esteem: you dreamt big. Hiding your ugliness under satin and perfume,
I learned never to throw pearls to a pig.

I sing of joyous reunion though, a miracle in crossing my past to grab a
future mine, seeking syllables and phrases to repay you in kind, in
time. Settle for silence and guesswork, the remnants of my furniture
and dress shirts, pieces of mail, old rags, to drape about the hovel of
a lovely nag; a lonely hag.

As we part lastly these words spring forth, bursting and splashing my
screen like water bombs and prolific colorful dreams all-in-one, knowing
a pitiful scheme left with other crippled fellows who knew you well but
vanished the same, I believe I played that same game. Yet you have not
figured it out, and in that I hold pity; in that there is shame.

I used to love what I thought was love like I needed love to love
myself, but the heat of love brought deceit in love now there isn't any
love life left.

Keep it regular, and don't be no sucka...
Marcelle D. Ward

Freedom to Dream

I am about to free myself. Gonna put myself in a hole, a dark cavern of
sightless songs to witness the flight of an eagle before im all gone and
used up. I seek release and freedom is the spark, the arrow, the reason
to embark upon a path to dream, again.

I am going to set my shoulders with a pair of wings and call myself away
from the earthen walk and follow the message in the clouds. I will
gather nothing and want for less, so I won't have to miss a thing. Call
it an ascent, a skyward gaze from a pit of disastrous change, coughing
its sickness.

I am about culture advanced, a subtle dance that lacks form but is
masterful in grace. Freedom in the mind makes for teaching the untaught,
having patience to gift another and perfect love. I am seeing freedom in
my hands holding a phone texting a blog to an unsuspecting few that will
be blessed...
Marcelle D. Ward

The Life of Choices

Making the right choices in life can often be a confusing thing. Seems
we have so many distractions and influences that even a simple decision
as to what to eat might become a tad frustrating. How do we know what
decisions are the right ones? How can we be sure that we are making
monumental mistakes?

Checking our choices and lining them up with God's word will eliminate
that frustration. Will the decision harm anyone? Can you be sure that
you can tell people you love and it will be in agreement with them?
Asking questions like these will help. I can definitely say that I have
made many mistakes, and I like to take risks. Yet, often they have been
decisions that God and my family would disagree with.

It's okay to make mistakes, because that's how we learn. Mistakes don't
have to be repeated, though. Take time and be thorough with what you
decide, especially if you know it will influence others. Consult the
Bible and line everything up with what's good and true, and you may be
on your way to happier results and greater benefits.

Love God, love yourself and each other. You can't go wrong.

Help

I am staying with a friend from work until I can leave for Illinois. So, I am in limbo now, figuratively homeless, hoping that God and I can meet the challenge of reshaping my life once again. Many of you know of my struggle, and have at least lent me your prayers. I thank and commend you for being true friends.

Tonight I was thinking it would be a good time to pray and talk with the Lord. It was an easy thought, given the situation. Yet and still, something remarkable happened. First, as I have said many times before, there is no such thing as coincidence. Second, this is just evidence of God's presence. I was feeling really nervous about my future, uncertain I had made the right choice. Skeptical of what had transpired over the past few days and my ultimate position, I reached for God for assurance.

I felt compelled to seek a Bible verse that would be perfect for my situation. Of course, I had no idea which. Psalms came to mind, but there are quite a few of those. Which one to pick? Well, the number 121 immediately came to mind and I pondered, "What would this one say? I bet it will be perfect for me..." True enough, it was right on target. I had no idea what to look for, but the Spirit of God moved me to the right choice because I trusted in Him. Definitely no coincidence here, God is SO good to give me an answer like this.


Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Leaving: The Prodigal Son

"Follow the path that has heart. All roads lead to the same destination, but follow the path that has heart."

I read that yesterday, from a friend reminding me of who I am and where I've been. I recall reading those words years ago, before I left for Washington, in a book entitled The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge. Those aren't the exact words, but they are close enough. I have mentioned this book quite a few times in my writings, because it had a significant impact on me. Seems I've been away for so long and my mind has been on so many things, that I just lose the focus of what it all means. I'm sure we all have episodes such as this.

I regret that I must leave here, putting behind me many wonderful and beautiful situations and experiences. It is shameful to have to do such at this time, but I have no other choice. The unfortunate times that have arisen make for difficult decisions, though I am no stranger to such. I look to God and follow a path that is intended for very few. Many who know God will acknowledge that if you don't listen to what He asks of you, He will make you listen one way or another. The prodigal son will return once more...

This time is of mourning and celebration; of decay and resurrection. I have much to do in the next year and I hope to God that I am able, for I feel some great things welling up in my spirit. I guess I find jubilation in that fact. God is good, you know?

Another friend reminded me that as we continue to do the same thing and expect different results, we should be dubbed insane. Doesn't that sound insane? Believe me, that's the perfect definition. It's time to celebrate the new, and get back to my roots in Illinois. God awaits.

If you are my friends and you read this, maybe you'll laugh. Maybe you'll have a bit of pity on me. Or maybe we won't be friends at all anymore. The only thing that really matters though is God and what He wants of me.


Let me keep this blog going, for real.

Notes to Self (1-4)

Just stumbled across these...I had pretty much forgotten about them. I emailed them to my yahoo account back in February of 08. Since it's an account I don't use too frequently, I haven't checked it since then! Wow. Well, anyways, it's nice to look back at what we have gone through and be amazed at what God has done. Amazing stuff.


1. February 9th, 2008
Most folks don't understand. Sometimes, I believe that I understand, at least partly. Let's just say that in contemplation of the moment and the interim before its realization, I lose a bit of myself. I think it's because I live in my own little dream, thinking that I can surmount any and everything that this life has set as an obstacle. In many ways I know that I can be so much better than I am...but how am I to get there? How can I accomplish the task of making myself a truly more magnificent being?

I have written about this several times, but since I only understand in part, it's like I am grasping at air, hanging from a precipice hundreds of miles up. But it might be possible that I'm never supposed to understand fully, and that the journey towards the understanding is all that matters in this life. Now, I have found the Lord, and I am better for it, but He is still asking me to do something more. This next action is deliberate and will define the rest of my life. This is the truth as I see it. This is where I am confused. This is where that precipice becomes more real and my life seems to be taking a turn for the worse, and all I can do is agonize and worry as my grip slips.

I could be confusing myself. "Life is not an equation to be solved, but a journey to be experienced."


2. February 14th, 2008
Little is here to misinterpret. I see that God loves me, and that there is a balance that must be maintained between the goodness and the sorrow, evil and good. I see God as an impartial ruler, a loving father who is generous to all his creations. I feel that we receive our lots equally, although some experience different levels of joy on this plane of existence. This is why I am not angry at God for what I don't have, but more puzzled as to what to do with that which I claim. Therein lays the confusion...the "little" that I misinterpret.

I cannot follow this world any longer. It seeps in and out of me, like water to the body. The more I try to interpret, the more I try to hold on, the more lost that I become. I should be better than all of this. Alas, I am walking through the darkness.

If there are those who would follow my words, read my writings and wonder about my sanity, don't be mislead. I am quite in control of my mental faculties. My vision may be terrible, and sometimes my short term memory fails me, but that is nothing that belies concern. If there is a time where my children will read these words in order to comprehend my life, I hope that they will understand that I am only trying set myself apart from this world, and impart a legacy.

If I could but teach it all, right here right now, delegating and authorizing the wisdom I possess, I would. Instead, I catalogue my thoughts in disjointed packs, broken and dispersed with little reason. It is virtually mental vomit, but I am aware that it streams and flows consistently. (there is a vivid little picture for you)

Terminus Est- the point of division, the moment of parting, the end of ends...
Come with me while I gather a tale of nothingness, of walks of dread and darkness, of lighted hallows and haunting sunsets. A living, less lively interim of perplexing madness made from life worked in a circle. This is where the end becomes a beginning of sorts, unraveling a man and revealing what God has proclaimed; what God has ordained.


3. February 15th, 2008
In the end, there will be sorrow. Someday, when I find my true path, and I am able to be at peace with this world and my decisions, I still will remember that sorrow always follows. No matter your lot, no matter your fame or possessions, there will be sorrow. I suppose we are made for it. We are built for the worse that this world could bring forth, meant to surmount every obstacle and meet, with dignity, our last day. I believe that we cannot see God for what and who He truly is without embracing the terror of struggle. There will be struggle, there will be change, and it is always constant. To go against this truth is like spitting in God's face. This is why I know that as I embrace some conservative ideas and positions, I must be able to see that flexibility is needed to live peacefully with one another.

I know that Jesus wanted us all to work together. I know He felt that we should be one in mind, and serve God's design. What is most beautiful about that is that no matter if we feel it or not, we all serve God's purpose. Each life impacts another, each person influences another. We share bonds and break them, we laugh and we cry. Our experiences and hardships bring us closer to one another. Until we are able to agree on what and who God is, we will remain separated as the human race.

And quite possibly, even this life, as it is, is what God intends for us. It makes me reach toward Him, knowing each dark day that follows is gonna be bright once again. Longing to see the sun.


4. February 16th, 2008
I wonder a lot about those folks who do not believe in God. By saying this, I mean God in the most general since: a belief in a grand architect, a creator. It puzzles me that we can look at all we have in this life, all that lives and breathes and is beautiful, and not be moved to understand that God is real.

Some people are hindered in their belief because they cannot understand why a good and benevolent being such as our God would allow such suffering and pain in the world. I can answer that quite easily, I think. Or better yet, I can provide a just explanation.

God is good and benevolent, but he gave us free will. This allows us as people to determine our own fate, regardless of what may be supposed about our lives. But the thing about free will is that it reverberates throughout time, touching each and every person, linking us all together like one eternal quilt. We are tied together because the decisions that we make today will determine the world that our children will be brought up in. Thus suffering is but a consequence of free will, the price we must pay for being able to make our own choices. There is no way to eliminate suffering because to do such would be annihilation; total and complete destruction of life on this planet. God allows us to choose to love Him or not. He allows us the opportunity to embrace His light, or travel in the darkness. There will always be suffering, because light cannot exist without dark, or it would have no validity. There are two sides to every coin. This is truth behind belief in God. I find that people are too thick-headed to humble themselves before God. No one wants to admit that they are wrong, and everyone assumes that they have found the answer.