Pity, Pity...

I had the pleasure of seeing one of my old high school buddies a few days ago. Nothing much had changed about him. Seemed he may have lost a little weight, though. Not many of my friends are smaller than they were in high school, and this made me wonder. I said to him that I wished I could be his weight, possibly get down a few pounds. He said I looked just as I had in high school and that I "never had a six pack" in my life. I told him that he was wrong about that. I had lost weight a few years ago, shedding almost 75 lbs. He was amazed at that, and proceeded to give me props. Yet, in the back of my head I was thinking that it was pretty pitiful that I had done that, lost all that weight, now I am nearly back to what I was 10 years ago. Shame that, you know?

Pretty pitiful but I'd rather not have pity from anyone. I actually have more muscle than I had back then, so it's not all bad. I don't really look as if I carry a whole lot of weight. Instead of pitying myself, I will go ahead and lost the rest of what I have on me. It shouldn't be too hard. I am actually right on the target and what my friend said will serve to motivate me to become better. I don't ever want someone to say that to me again, as if I should accept what I am now, like I've never become better. Surely, this is a most important challenge. Since God is with me, I worry not about the outcome. I will just show up for the work and let him do the rest.

The Beautiful Truth

To God I must go, to be finally free. Sometimes I think I am not long for this world. Other times, I believe I can overcome. I know I have said this quite often, a very recurring theme, but I am just now getting to the point where I feel strong enough to step forward and become the man I have dreamed to be. REALLY. Last night I watched a movie called The Beautiful Truth. It was a documentary about the human diet, and how the way we eat can cure a lot of the health problems we face. They were talking at length about MSG and how it leads to more health concerns, most importantly cancer. At the same time, they were speaking about how cancer could be cure by using the Gerson method of holistic healing. This method of healing had been proved to work by Gerson by many tests and subjects that were terminal cancer patients. The results of these tests were hidden and ridiculed because there was no money in it. If there was no profit to be made, then there was every effort to make pharmaceutical and chemical companies look like the saviors by promoting their cures.

Now I am forced to take a look at my own health and begin eating better. It’s time to heal myself and begin the process of becoming a whole being. Because if the things Gerson said were true, then we are in big trouble. Socially, mentally and emotionally we must liberate ourselves so that we don’t fall victim to big business and their capitalism fueled homicidal rampage.

The Wizard

Looking into yourself, that true act of introspection, is the first sign of enlightenment. Now, since it is the first sign and the easiest, most folks never cross the boundary to attempt the next. How interesting that I contemplate my own sanity while others accept this life as it is? Shouldn’t I be blissfully ignorant so that I won’t have to go through the pain of spiritual liberation?
Never. Even as I stumble through this truth with appalling effort, I would still rather die standing up than to live on my knees. I refuse to be less than I am. You should, too.

I think the battle comes in the everyday challenges we face. Sometimes we are so lost in what we are doing that we forget that we are all playing a part in one big stage show. We are all connected in a performance that has been going on since time immemorial. We come from the One and will return to the One. But there is so much confusion in the world that minds are clouded and the truth is concealed behind the veil.

It is time to go behind stage and speak to the Wizard, if you know what I mean.

(I’m talking about communing with Jesus…)

Feeling Something...

Been a year already. God is good. I wake up in the morning these days thinking that I have the inherent power to overcome anything that comes my way. The problem is that no matter what I think, the world gets in the way. No matter where I go, there I am, still struggling through just trying to be more than what I was made of, and I believe I fail miserably at every turn.

But God is merciful.

I get up and pray each day that I will pursue the path that will lead to my enlightenment. I wish to walk the way Jesus did, living an ascetic life and showing love to my fellow man. Yet I don't know if I even have it in me.

I ask my God to guide me, the lonely, pathetic man that I am, towards a greater understanding of myself and my situation. I am glad he makes me suffer through it, all the way, because at least I feel something. Feeling something is better than nothing at all, sometimes.