Endure

The theme for this weekend has to be "Endure".

When I was driving up this way it was storming like crazy, and it was
late at night. I was having a hard time seeing, but I pushed through. At
one point I felt I might need to pullover and wait for a time till it
passed; never happened. I endured that bit of weather to reach my
destination safely.

Saturday was the dance production for "Endure", a not-for-profit company
that takes those gifted with dance and puts them together to present
that gift to God. It was about 2 hours of dancing with no intermission.
Frenetic and intense, it made me think that the name Endure was not
chosen by coincidence. These performers went hard, quickly changing
between sets, seemingly giving their all for God and their talent.

Therefore I am reminded that I have endured; that I must continue to
endure. That I must be patient if I am to claim the prize that God has
for me. He has a woman for me. A beautiful, loving Christian woman that
will be like the rib attached to my spine. He has a home for me. He has
a car for me. I will be victorious in my quest for better health. I will
find all that I need in HIM.

I fear not the future. It is something that will happen. I can only
partly influence it with my actions. Some things are out of my control,
such as other people and their ways and actions. So I move forward, no
matter what, knowing I have a destiny in JESUS CHRIST, trusting Him to
set the crooked things straight. I will ENDURE what comes, and pray that
I am able to stand against my enemies to create a brighter future for
myself.

Marcelle D. Ward

Dear Shadows (the nature of a thing)

To the shadows that haunt these strange, caged angles
The shadows that bathe in the corners and the annals
Seeping through the crevices, creeping in the cracks
The shadows that laugh and curse at our backs

Were you dreaded and frightening, cold and lost?
Alive in our nightmares, but our dreams, accost?
Ghosts of our days playing in the light
Waiting for the maddening pulse of the night

Dear Shadows, I watch, and follow along
Gathering my thoughts as to what you did wrong
I find it is none but the nature of a thing
To want more for itself; to follow its dreams.

2 Sides

"There are moments which mark your life, moments when you realize
nothing will be the same, and time is divided into 2 parts: 'Before
this' and 'After this'. Sometimes you can feel a moment like this
coming...or so I tell myself. I tell myself that at times like that,
strong people keep moving forward anyway. No matter what they're going
to find." - Intro by Denzel Washington in "Fallen"

Now this is what life hands you. Moments that are significant enough to
challenge your entire notion of living. Times that really wake you up to
the reality of the meaning of "inner strength" and "mind power". These
times are so moving that your soul cannot hope to avoid its bullet.

Times are wonderful and terrible the same. They are beautiful and ugly.
We cannot face the world without acknowledging the darkness in us all.
The second side to the coin; and you can only view one side at a time.

What is your other side? What has marked your life so that you must face
something wonderful or terrible? How do you embrace it?
Marcelle D. Ward

Light My Path

How soon I forget how much my sanity is worth. How precious my time is.
Honestly, I keep running into the same damn walls...I guess I kinda do
it to myself. Maybe it's Karma. Whatever it is, I think it has to stop.
I have to find a new answer to an old question to save myself the
trouble of being troubled with folks that don't wanna be around me or
find me bothersome. This morning I woke up in a bed with someone who
really didn't want me there. My pride would like to know why, but
another part of me wants not to give a damn. I am leaning towards the
latter.

I guess moving on from relationships is becoming easier. The older I
get, the more cynical I become. I would like to believe I will find a
good thing but I know it's kinda what you make it. It looks as if I
don't want to be in a relationship, when the truth is I would love one.
I just don't want to settle. And I don't wanna be with someone who
thinks they are settling. I want someone to care for me with all my
inconsistencies attached. I want to be able to look at that person and
feel like they love me most; second only to God.

So here we go. On to another realm; another wacky world wrought with woe
and wonder where we witness willingness weeping wildly. (I love
alliteration!) I am willing to let God show me my mistakes and light my
path.
Marcelle D. Ward

The Happiness of Being Sad (What I Found)

Do you think of me as I do you,
As I would hope to dream to do
Knowing that our days have been few
Should I think to see it through?

If I could know of all I need
And see to where my thoughts might lead
A prison gone, prisoner freed
to avoid the pain, shame the bleed

But man I am, immortal not
the things I plan are soon forgot
Ideas are lost, I am caught
In seeking and not being sought

I think of you and I am glad
Of the thoughts we shared, times we had
Talking of the good and the bad
The happiness of being sad

So if there is more, if there's few
If we move on, or if we're through
I find I'm happy to pursue
Thoughts and dreams of loving you.

(I found that I have a fondness for sentimentality, and sadly it permits
me to be too forthcoming at times. But what can I say? Life kind of
pulls us along and we hit bumps in the road trying not to fall or let
go. Who knows what will happen next?

I have read that "there are other worlds than these". I feel that each
time I enter a new job, a new city, a new relationship, there is a new
world to explore. So, here I am again...wandering unexplored terrain.
This poem is both the new and the old me; I am freeing one to be the
other.)
Marcelle D. Ward

The Evolution: D. Swaine

It has been a while since I have sent a message to this blog, but I am
in good spirits. I am finding so much out about myself that I can only
smile and know God is gracious and merciful, and He has so much in store
for me. I am ever grateful for that.

Forgiveness comes to me in a way that I think may be hard for others. It
is easy for me to forgive folks now and I see how stress free I am in my
life. I recall my ex saying something about me not adding my misery to
hers, but she misunderstood me. See, I am never miserable. I am ever
HOPEFUL. Just cause I am disappointed in someone does not make me
miserable. Just because I have no money does not make me miserable. No
job; not miserable. And those of you who know me can attest that I have
not once shown, to any degree, any manner of depression.

I can be upset at someone and still go about my day because I have that
in my heart; the capacity to forgive and love and be compassionate. I
found that my gifts make me happy and using them alleviates any worry or
doubt. I often lose hours designing and creating, so much so that I feel
like I traversed another world. In a way I have, for I have found in me
the Comforter I so desired and he continues to aid me in my
transformation.

D. Swaine is my pen name. From now on I will write under this pseudonym,
that is, if I produce any further literature. But I feel there will be
at least one more book. D. Swaine is also the image of the capacity of
power I have within; the inward manifestation of knowledge and wisdom.

I go forth now as a soldier waging war. I go into battle armed with the
Sword of Truth. My mind is that sword, where God makes all things
possible.

Marcelle D. Ward